Hey peeps. It's Sunday, and it's Mother's day. I spend the day with my family, and it was awesome. It started out rocky for me as usual, because i was acting like my usual irritated self, but luckily the company of my sister put me in better spirits.
Why am i so annoyed with people? i know i'm a moody bitch.. everyone knows it, but sometimes .. i swear i am capable of murder. and i keep thinking it's me, everyone says it is.. but you know what?? I THINK ITS THEM! maybe if everyone wasn't so goddamn irritating with their lack of originality, bad sense of humor and egotistical neurosis.. then just MAYBE, i wouldn’t feel the overwhelming urge to punch them all in the face!
I wish i could control my up-and-down, borderline bi polar outbreaks, but i don't think I can. I can fake it better now, but the inner judgment isn't stopping.
UGH.. i'm bored! i don’t care about your boyfriend's theory on the political situation in Darfur, i could give a FUCK about your ongoing 3 month long questioning of why you get slight cramps in your lower abdomen after you run , and please don't include me in your thought process when you're trying to decide which pair of underwear you should buy for your fat ass!
I know i know...these are normal conversations that people should have with one another, and not every dialogue can be riveting and ground shaking. I also realize that mundane, every day life type of things can and should be talked about.. but.... can they be talked about with someone else?
topics of conversation I appreciate:
- philosophical debates
- gossip
- sex
- travel stories
- any important life changes ( not " i think i'm going to try washing my clothes in cold water cycle instead of warm..and see how that goes")
- interesting life stories
- time worthy inputs (not.. "you know, smoking is bad for you?")
- books
topics i dont care about whatsover:
- everything else
I know im the one who sounds egotistic and neurotic now, but let's face it.. i'm allowed.
Some of you reading this now may have already started to revisit some of the conversations you've had with me and wonder if i was bored.. and well..if you're wondering.. then i probably was. So, let's toast to better conversations, or more importantly.. let's toast to the often intimidating, rarely appreciated, and hardly ever practiced... silence.
Monday
Life is like a cheap box of chocolates...
.. because an expensive kind tells you what you're gonna get!
Ahh, sweet May, still teasing us with sunshine and raindops.. i dont mind at all.
Well, the best part of my week is almost done, as Nellie is almost moved in to her new beautiful and more importantly CITY based apartment; 2 subway stops away from me, thank GOD.
Also, there is a good promise of summer hours coming into place at work, where on fridays, we may be able to leave at 2: 30 - of course with my luck - my boss will think it's a bad idea.
I'm still currently in the state of emotional limbo - being not miserable nor particularly happy, but i still blame that on my sleep deprived nights.
However, my weekends are still constantly filled with drinks, friends and dancing.. so life can't be too bad. I've been thinking more and more about relocating, as more options are starting to present themsleves, and it is as if fate is stepping in. I'm actually almost sure that whatever higher power there is, it's just getting sick and tired of my nagging voice asking for change of scenery.
If "God" could talk.. "he" would tell me to shut the fuck up and go already.
Looking around at a "trendy" bar i went to on saturday, ( where i danced my ass off to house music, which apparently i like) still sober, i was able to pay attention to the little details. The outifits that people had on, all strategically worn to follow trends or start trends, with bright colored kicks, fur vests, or short dresses with messy hair.. made everyone blur into one person. I think if everyone wore a blue catholic school type uniform, i'd have an easier time distinguishing one person from another. A smell of belonging was also obvious as people were desperate to socialize yet not to OVERsocialize.. to look good, but not look too good, to be lost in the crowd, yet to stand out.. ..on second thought...it was a stench of belonging rather.
I just wanted to dance, even drinking wasn't on my mind. Just hearing some loud noise to drown out my loud noise was comforting enough.
this was rather the opposite of my friday, where i was surrounded by people i consider my second family, where no one pretends or tries too hard; and i don't find that boring at all.
ahh May, im going to go greet you now, in my open toed shoes and light spring jacket.. dont let me down.
Ahh, sweet May, still teasing us with sunshine and raindops.. i dont mind at all.
Well, the best part of my week is almost done, as Nellie is almost moved in to her new beautiful and more importantly CITY based apartment; 2 subway stops away from me, thank GOD.
Also, there is a good promise of summer hours coming into place at work, where on fridays, we may be able to leave at 2: 30 - of course with my luck - my boss will think it's a bad idea.
I'm still currently in the state of emotional limbo - being not miserable nor particularly happy, but i still blame that on my sleep deprived nights.
However, my weekends are still constantly filled with drinks, friends and dancing.. so life can't be too bad. I've been thinking more and more about relocating, as more options are starting to present themsleves, and it is as if fate is stepping in. I'm actually almost sure that whatever higher power there is, it's just getting sick and tired of my nagging voice asking for change of scenery.
If "God" could talk.. "he" would tell me to shut the fuck up and go already.
Looking around at a "trendy" bar i went to on saturday, ( where i danced my ass off to house music, which apparently i like) still sober, i was able to pay attention to the little details. The outifits that people had on, all strategically worn to follow trends or start trends, with bright colored kicks, fur vests, or short dresses with messy hair.. made everyone blur into one person. I think if everyone wore a blue catholic school type uniform, i'd have an easier time distinguishing one person from another. A smell of belonging was also obvious as people were desperate to socialize yet not to OVERsocialize.. to look good, but not look too good, to be lost in the crowd, yet to stand out.. ..on second thought...it was a stench of belonging rather.
I just wanted to dance, even drinking wasn't on my mind. Just hearing some loud noise to drown out my loud noise was comforting enough.
this was rather the opposite of my friday, where i was surrounded by people i consider my second family, where no one pretends or tries too hard; and i don't find that boring at all.
ahh May, im going to go greet you now, in my open toed shoes and light spring jacket.. dont let me down.
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